Take my breath away
Au revoir
this lady.
I'm a cat with nine lives, but only one story to tell.
Rebecca Lo.
Singaporean and not proud of it.
Ngee Ann Polytechnic student year 3.
A3DA class 01; 3D Animation.
NP JTC Taiko member aiming for Tenko.
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Rilakkuma fever.
Purple madness.
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In a mess.
replay.
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convos.
Friday, May 17, 2013 ♥
i can't fall asleeeeep. >:
too much things going on in my head.
everything is just messed up.
i'm trying to look at things from Jeremy's point of view..
from what happened on Wednesday, yea it was my fault.
i shouldn't have mixed up my emotions with the topic..
but i was really hurt by his words.
then i thought through again.
he was hurt by my words too, right..?
i can understand why he doesn't wanna talk right now.
i need to give him time, just stop thinking so much.
be confident in him, trust him, everything will be fine.
stop the overthinking.
if i was him, if i was questioned this way, i probably would react like he did.
like hey, here i am trying to explain to my bro what happened.
then the other side my girlfriend wants my attention now.
i was just hoping you would use a better tone..
and honestly i felt a little casted aside, unimportant.
i am still pondering over the meaning of "on the verge".
does it mean, we are not a couple?
is it an open relationship?
are you sure you love me?
if you do, why are we at this stage?
well.. for me love is a 100% thing.
but when you said "on the verge", does it mean you are not ready to commit?
all these questions, they went through my mind.
i never dared to ask them..
i was afraid of stepping into his boundary again..
i was scared of his words.
so i kept the questions to myself.
maybe that was his threshold.
our relationship started off damn fast.
we didn't have a sturdy foundation to build up from.
i was wrong.. to not reject him at first.
i should have known him better as a friend first.
now it's a little too late for me to pull out from the relationship..
i already put in my heart, and i want to continue.
but from where we are now, i should learn to really be patient.
give him time, give myself time.
give us both lots and lots of time.
there is no guarantee when we can let each other into our own comfort zones.
but i'm willing to wait.
i learnt from a friend just now.
love is about giving the person what you can, all that you can.
not what you want or expect from the other person.
even though i've been telling Jeremy i don't want him to change, i still have expectations.
expectations of how a boyfriend should be in my eyes..
i should really learn to let go.. expectations are fatal in a relationship.
not that you cannot expect from your partner.. but we have to compromise.
once we reach a level of agreement, we will gradually change for one another(?)
it's like.. how much i hate having rules and restrictions in a relationship.
likewise.. maybe he feels restricted when i always text him.
right now.. we are in this cold war stage.
i'm afraid of the answers, of what is going to happen to us after that.
when a relationship is in a cold war stage, there's only two results.
either they end up closer than ever, or they cannot accept each other anymore and they break up.
for me.. i'm alright i guess.
i shouldn't put in all my emotions like how i used to..
i'm still waiting.
i'm not sure what kind of state is he in now and i'm afraid to know as well.
i'm afraid that even just a gentle approach will cause him to break down or feel pressured.
what do i do?
i mean..
i should just leave him alone for now.
should we break up?
will it be better for him?
he still needs time, that's the only thing i can do now.
being in a relationship somehow just.. wore him down?
idk.
or maybe it's just a guy thing.
like when a guy is trying to woo a girl, he will do all sorts of things to please her.
when the guy finally got hold of the girl, his place is ensured so he starts to slack.
he doesn't feel the need to please her as much because she already belongs to him.
then comes the honeymoon period, the period of time all couples enjoy when they first started out.
so.. i guess our honeymoon period had just passed and all the problems are starting to surface now.
that's fast..
maybe i'm not that good of a girlfriend after all.
#and that is reason no.192847 why i want to be a guy
i'm sorry for putting you through this, Jeremy.
i'm also trying to understand.
hopefully you can accept me into your life.
i really do love you.
[blog entry at 4:39am this morning, supposedly]
♥それだけ。
@ 1:35 PM
@ 1:35 PM